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    • Sep 26, 2022
    • 5 min read

You're in!

You said yes (or you've asked and they have said yes) - check!

You picked a date (or possible dates) - check!

Now the next question to pop? Who is celebrating with you on the big day?


I highly recommend that you and your partner figure that out before you decide on your venue since the number of people attending (or invited) will impact where you are able to host your big day. Of course, it's also totally

possible that you know WHERE you want to host and therefore you know what guest count you are needing to fit into. Either way you now have to sit down and make a list to fill those seats!

Now you may be thinking...how on Earth do I decide who is invited without inviting every single person I've every had a meaningful connection with? Conversely, maybe you're thinking that you don't know anyone and you partner knows everyone! I know that was the case with my husband and I, the guest list for our wedding was pretty light on his side - whatever the case may be my biggest piece of advice would be...DON'T STRESS! This advice can be applied to every single detail of planning a wedding.


Very often I speak with friends, family, and clients who are just at a loss as to how they are going to cut their guest list down. This is especially relevant if 1. you find that the venue you are dreaming of has a smaller possible guest count than you imagined, or 2. when you are looking for a way to reduce costs due to budget restraints.


So, where to begin! The first group of guests will be your wedding party, therefore the first question to answer is who will be to your side and your partner's side? Whether it be no one, one person on each side, or a wedding party totally 20, this will be your beginning!


The second group will be your immediate family with whom you (or your partner on their side) have positive and impactful relationships and whom you couldn't imagine your day without. I say positive and impactful because every family dynamic is different so just because you have parents or you have siblings doesn't mean that you are going to want them in attendance if they are not going to bring you joy on your big day. So! In the average case that would include parents, siblings, grandparents, great-grandparents, and any other parental figure whom you grew up with (for instance, I had my bonus parents at my wedding - my bonus mom was my babysitter all growing up and then just part of the family the older I got).


Two aspects need to be discussed at this point. The first, will you be inviting children? That would be either under 21 or under 18 depending on your preference. Of course you can also pick and choose if you like depending on the importance of that child to your life. The second, what's your guest list at now? Assuming a plated dinner average cost of $40 per person or a $27 per person for a buffet*, how many more guests will your budget allow? This is a great way to also answer your first question here...though smaller children will likely share a plate with their parent an older child/teen/young adult will require an additional plate. Though we can talk about food in another post, you may also choose to do a different meal all together for younger children.


Now you know your total guest count! Is it more than you expected or less? Either way your next step is friends! Then after each of the next steps reexamine your total guests and see how many more you have. Your ride or dies are likely in the wedding party, but if you have a lot of them (I'm guilty of this) then you'll want to start the top of this section of the list with them. Decisions about who to invite friend-wise can be difficult, but just revisit the question - can I imagine my big day without them? If the answer is yes, you know they aren't making the list. If the answer is a resounding no, write them down now. If you just really aren't sure then make a separate list of maybes to revisit later.


Next, other family members whom you WANT to invite. I say want because YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO INVITE ANYONE! Read that again. Your great-aunt Sheila may be a very nice lady, but you don't have to invite her if you don't regularly see her or talk to her. One of my favorite things to think about with family, when you got engaged did you send a personal message to them? If you didn't then you don't need to invite them BUT you can add them to the maybe list you started in the last section.


Now on to the final section, family friends. These are the people who you grew up with, they are like family without actually being blood, and they were likely at many of your birthdays. Your parents - or your partner's parents - may tell you that these people need to be invited early on but let me reiterate...YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO INVITE ANYONE! You get the final say on who is invited and who is not invited.


So that's it. Those are the steps as I see them. You may not make it to family friends because you already met your guest count. If you made it to family friends and still have room on the guest list then go back to the maybes OR before you do family friends look at the maybes and see if anyone there would make the list before any family friends. At the end of the day this is all about you and your partner. If making a guest list stresses you out more than is healthy...ELOPE! I know, I'm a wedding planner and I'm suggesting you elope, but I can help you with that too...so I wouldn't be totally out of a job. ;)


There will be people in both of your lives who think that they are allowed to tell you who to invite but let me say it one more time for the people in the back...YOU. ARE. NOT. OBLIGATED. TO. INVITE. ANYONE. And if you need some extra help, I'm always here!



I wish you nothing but the best as you embark on this planning journey! May it be full of joy and very little stress. Catch me next week!!





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